Xmas 2011

Another christmas behind and what a short one it was this year. I´ve always tried to combine the holidays with some days off, unfortunately this time around it wasn´t possible. So it felt like a long weekend but who am I to complain? I´m happy that I got that työharjoittelu going right know and as a consequence I had to be back at work by Tuesday.

Christmas in Pori was great nonetheless, good food (much of it), a relaxed and celebrative atmosphere with my girlfriend´s family. Christmas Eve got so comfy that we accidently stayed up until 7am the next morning, chatting away, listening to Johnny Cash and Elvis. Maybe we had a drink or two. Suffice it to say, we used the few time that we had in the best possible way.

Many people here will remember Xmas 2011 because of the storm that came on the 25th and went wild over the South of Finland. Storm warning was given also for the 26th, the day we went home by car through exactly that region. The storm though had gone already when we went on our trip to Helsinki. On the radio we heard that 200.000 people where without electricity and all those fallen trees on our way where a tell-tale sign of how bad that storm had raged. We were relieved to find our flat where we had left it and we could switch on the light, too.

Anyway, the clock is ticking away the last hours of 2011, a year that I have spend sowing the seeds. Extensive language courses, job trainings, many sent applications and a job interview. Many rehearsals and demo recordings with my band. The band has a name now but I´m gonna tell you all next year. My hope for 2012 is that it´s gonna be a year in which I can start to finally harvest what I have sowed. Let´s see...

But for now: GUTEN RUTSCH!!!

Handle with care

Hey kids, here comes the other part of your present: the second short movie by Jalmari Helander, this one is called Rare Exports: The Official Safety Instructions.
How to handle Santa? What are the Dos and Don´ts?
You will be much wiser after watching this:



A little backround info for those of you who have never heard about the short movies and the feature film that followed them. Wikipedia, do your magic:

"In 2003 the Finnish commercials production company Woodpecker Film published the short movie "Rare Exports Inc. on the internet. Here author and director Jalmari Helander established a band of three hunters (marker, sniper and tracker) searching the wilderness of Lapland for the wild Santa Claus. After the positive reception from the internet audience, Woodpecker Film produced and published the sequel short movie "Rare Exports: The Official Safety Instructions" in 2005, again with Helander as director and author."

Finally they produced the feature film "Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale" with a 1,803,000 € budget. The flick hit Finnish cinemas on December 3rd, 2010. It had already premiered as early as September 9th the same year on the Fantastic Fest in Austin. The movie was never shown in German cinemas but was released over there directly on dvd and blu-ray.

Santa Clause is coming to town

Time to give you guys some presents!
You all know that Santa Clause is coming from Finland, right?
But do you know anything else about him? Here is my gift for you: the first of two short movies by Jalmari Helander called Rare Exports Inc.
This tells the real story behind Santa. This is nothing for the faint of heart.
Watch and learn. Stay tuned for more.

   

Happy birthday, Lemmy!

Today the living, breathing, drinking, smoking speedfreak and rolemodel for all of us rockers, the epitome of rock ´n´roll itself, Lemmy Kilmister, turns 66. Too old to rock? Nope! Lem´s own Motörhead is currently on a tour that also brought them to Helsinki just a couple of days ago, unfortunately I couldn´t make it to the gig. Well, I must have seen them already at least ten times and it feels like there´s always a next chance as Lemmy just doesn´t seem to get tired of playing around the globe.

Motörhead and/or Lemmy will always have a very special place in my heart. When I heard the "No sleep ´til Hammersmith" album for the first time some 24 years ago, a whole new world opened up before me and everything changed for good. They are the embodiment of my three fave genres in music: punk, metal and rock ´n´roll. All under one roof, so to speak. Lem was born Ian Fraser Kilmister on the 24th of December, 1945 in Stoke-on-Trent, England. Come christmas, I´ve been raising the glass for many years to honor the man and this year I will not make an exception.

So without further ado, here´s to you, Lemmy!

Many happy returns, looks like you´re gonna outlive us all!

POST SCRIPTUM: Oh yes, and merry christmas to all my blogheads out there! Have a good one!

SONGS FOR TODAY:

Motörhead - No Class (Live from No sleep ´til Hammersmith)

Billy Idol - Yellin´ at the Christmas Tree

Ja, is denn heut scho Weihnachten?

Christmas came early this year. The present I gave myself arrived today:
The SMOKE BLOW LEGACY BOX! I pre-ordered almost two months ago and I tell you it was worth the wait. Five of their out-of-print records (one was never released on vinyl), single, back patch, silkscreen print, twenty page booklet and personal greeting card - all exclusive in a wooden box and limited to 600 pieces. Of course I had to have this gem from my absolute fave band from good old Germany! They just announced they ain´t gonna record no more but will continue to tour. As much as this bums me out I also respect their decision. They feel that they have nothing to give creatively under the SB moniker anymore but still want to play club gigs, plus their last record was killer and they want to leave this as a final statement. Chapeau! The list of bands goes on for miles and miles who should take this as an example.
Hope to see them on the road in 2012, their last "professional" tour.

I´m off to Pori now for christmas, so that´s that - I got a bus to catch.

Kaiser Franz - Ja, is denn...

Back on track

Me and my work mates. I´m the guy in the center.

Great news! From tomorrow on I can continue my job training, or to be more precise: the preparation for my professional life. The technical term has changed from työharjoittelu to työelämävalmennus in my case and now I can work three months in the same company where I spent already six weeks in September/October. The place is really cool, so I´m happy to go back there. I knew it would be only a matter of time - the continuation was offered by both the company and the employment office - but it took the latter until last Friday to send the necessary documents okaying the whole thing.

In the meantime I was applying to many other companies in order to get a steady job and scored at least one job interview. It was held entirely in Finnish and went quite fine. Although I didn´t get the place in the end, I can say that it was a great experience and next time I won´t get the jitters so easily anymore. I am really happy to return to the working life, it feels like I have the foot in the door again and my quest over here continues. At the very least it helps a lot to shake off the emerging cabin fever. Wer rastet, der rostet!

SONG FOR TOMORROW:

Cock Sparrer - Working

Pertti for president

I was happily surprised to see Pertti Kurikka among the invited guests at yesterday´s castle ball! He is of course the main man behind Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät, our local punk heroes of the special kind. Cool! The picture shows him giving an interview at jatkot, the after party in the city center. During the tv broadcast of the actual celebration, held in the presidential palace, the commentary team reminded us viewers that the (yet unelected) next president was already among the guests. This year´s linnan juhlat was the last hosted by our president Tarja Halonen. After 12 years her term in office is about to end and we have the presidential elections coming up in January 2012. So, Pertti - how about?

For my Finnish speaking visitors, here´s a link to the

Interview with Pertti Kurikka

Itsenäisyyspäivä

The 6th of December is the Finnish Independence Day - way to go, Suomi!

For those of you who would like to read about it a bit more in detail, please check out last year´s post. LIFE-IN-HEL headquarters would like to wish all Finns hyvää itsenäisyyspäivää!

Compared to the previous year, my own enthusiasm (the few I felt) has mellowed out even more due to the landslide victory of Perussuomalaiset (=True Finns), the right-wing populist party led by Timo Soini. Some of his peers would like to send refugees from Somalia to work in the forests (out of sight, out of mind) or along with the gay community to Ahvenanmaa, an island in the Baltic Sea, (quote:) "to observe what kind of society they would form". Member of parliament Pentti Oinonen (PS) will not attend tonight´s linnan juhlat, the celebration in the Presidential Palace, because he would be offended by seeing gay people dance there.

I am not down with this shit AT ALL!

Of course this party doesn´t represent all Finns - but it was very successful in the last election and that worries me. I hear they got many votes from people who just wanted to protest against the deadlocked political system in Finland, a questionable maneuver in my book. Luckily many members of PS don´t miss out any opportunity to make a fool out of themselves in public but when Norwegian racist, fascist and mass murderer Anders Breivik favorably quotes MP Jussi Halla-aho in his "manifesto" it´s NOT funny anymore!

I want to emphasize here that the Independence Day has NOTHING to do with Perussuomalaiset and vice versa, plus I know many Finns who don´t want ANYTHING to do with PS, either. I am able and willing to differentiate between these things but at the same time I can´t help myself thinking about "True Finns" on Finland´s birthday.

It´s an association, nothing more, nothing less.

Here we go again

Great beer from Hamburg with always great ads!

Countdown to christmas has begun - with all the hassle, all the fun. The supposedly nicest time of the year has finally arrived, although shops and stores where already selling advent calenders by the end of October. Let´s give it up for capitalism! When I look at my blog´s header and the first sentence of this post, it seems as if I am pretty much in the mood. Was I really just rhyming there? Eer, anyway...

Alea jacta est, I will spend this year´s christmas again in Finland and I´m looking forward to it. Of course I also would like to see my folks in Germany but living abroad means that it isn´t always feasible, all you ulkomaalaiset out there know that. Maybe it works out next year then. But for now, first things first: we all have a lot of christmas parties (Finnish: pikkujoulu = little christmas), decorating, gift shopping and too much food and drinks ahead of us. So let´s roll up them sleeves and get it over with!

Where will you be spending christmas? Home? Abroad? On an island in the sun?

Grey matter

As I am writing these lines, there are only a few clouds in the sky and the sunlight makes for a beautiful day. This has been a rare sensation as of late. Many days presented themselves as grey, heavy mess with drizzling and cement-like skies. If you are predisposed to melancholy, this overpowering grey can give you the blues. And then it isn´t very beneficial for your mood either that the days are constantly getting shorter this time of year.

When I broke the news to family and friends back in Germany that I am moving to Finland, some of their reactions reflected certain misconceptions. "But it´s always dark there!"
Some had heard about the Finnish summer and seemed to reduce the local seasons to exactly two: summer (sunshine 24/7) and winter (eternal night). Combined with the remaining two stereotypes about Finland known to many German minds - alcohol and suicide - (sorry Finns, I know your list about Germany is long, but that´s all there is) my plans earned sometimes frowns and raised eyebrows.

On a side note: I think stereotypes are merely indicators for certain tendencies. They absolutely fail to take into account individualism and thus can sometimes not be farther away from the truth. But I digress...

Who knows me well knows that I am no stranger to melancholy, a fact that induced some of those reactions. I told all them who worried that when it hits me, it just hits me. I can be all happy happy, joy joy on a rainy day and mope about in the summer sun. The weather conditions can of course boost or dampen emotions that are already in effect but weather itself is hardly ever the sole reason for me getting the blues. Anyway, even many Finns
don´t like November - because it´s mostly dark, grey, rainy and it gives them the blues, ha!

Everybody waits for the first snow to fall, nature´s remedy for mental and environmental darkness. As soon as the land is covered in white, nobody cares anymore about the few hours (or minutes) of sunlight. The snow makes a real difference as it lights up everything. And when that´s not enough, switch on your light therapy lamp and treat yourself with up to 10000 lux of happiness.

Utsjoki, a muncipality located in Northern Lapland, is already by now bathed in only twilight. Needless to say, the sensation of permanent darkness increases direction north, getting closer and closer to the polar circle. Said Utsjoki is the most northern aria on Finnish territory but it´s also more that 1000 kilometers away from Helsinki and me, so I am never exposed to such extremes, be it summer or winter.

Somehow funny: with my mid-European mindset I like to think of myself as living in the high north. Almost the whole of Finland can only laugh at this assumption.
Helsinki is one of the most southern cities in the country.

SONGS FOR TODAY:

Visage - Fade to grey


Agent Orange - Everything turns grey

NeverEnding Story

Yours truly, Krisu and Pate

Or at least so it feels. It took us a long time to finish the recordings for our first demo, but it looks like we have arrived now and can finally close the chapter. Last update on the project was posted over a month ago and already back then I mentioned that we had to leap all kinds of hurdles. Well, that didn´t change ever after and we kept hurdling.
I wanna spare you the details. Nevertheless, the recording process is done and things are looking up - per aspera ad astra!
Next step is knob twisting, fader pushing, button pressing and a lot of auto tune using, hahaha...so the story continues. Will it ever end?

SONG FOR TODAY:

Limahl - Never-ending story

Jump ´n´ Run

Spotted in my hood. This beauty is entirely made out of cloth straps and looks like there´s a bit of 16 bit action going on. Is it depicting a Nintendo game? I´m clueless and I´d like to know, so if you know, please let me know, you know? Any ideas?

ADDENDUM 24.11.11

Today an anonymous comment disclosed the secret.
Kiitos paljon, now I know: this unusual piece of urban art pays tribute to an arcade game, released in 1986 by Taito. Later it ported to home computers and game consoles. Speaking of dinosaurs, the idea is to navigate the dragons Bub and Bob through 99 (!) levels to finally rescue their girlfriends from monsters. Yeah! Name of the game:

And here´s a screenshot from the actual game, as it is linked in the comment section. Thanks again!

Bubble Bubble can be played with 1 or 2 players simultaneously.

Riddle me this

Actually I had been looking forward to post a review of last night´s concert in Jäähalli.
By the time I left the venue though my enthusiasm had already vanished in a puff of smoke. How can I possibly review something that I fail to understand without calling it complete and utter bullshit in every second sentence?

That mistake has been made countless times by "music critics".
Would I want, let´s say, a Britney Spears fan to review my music? NO WAY!
Well, I´m no Britney Spears fan and the allegory is maybe a bit exaggerated.
I am by no means a music critic either but a musician and devoted fan of (mostly) heavy music, be it punk, hardcore or metal. So what you´re reading here isn´t cast in stone, it´s my opinion only and you know what Dirty Harry said about opinions:


Opinions are like assholes

What I came to see were Ghost, who stood out like a sore thumb and played a set way too short, comprised of only five or six songs. Still their show was awesome and I´m happy that I finally got to see them! Hopefully the next time will be a club gig, where they can play more songs. Unfortunately, both Ghost and me were misplaced in that big ice rink (=jäähalli) last night and the "crowd", filling maybe 2/5 of the venue, reflected that.

About the rest of the package...hmm...well, first off, I missed Insense, who had to start the festival at 5.15pm, so I can´t say anything about them. And now for the tricky part.
To use yet another metaphor, with my taste in music I felt most of the time like a compass needle pointing in exactly the opposite direction. Not knowing most of the other bands at all I went to the event with a slight premonition of things to come but was still surprised when it hit me: tagged metalcore (Rise to Remain, Trivium) and melodic death metal (In Flames), the genres sounded interesting. I had no concept of metalcore and had somehow figured that metal + (hard)core = metalcore must be cool, mais au contraire, chéri!
It proved to be a bunch of unlistenable bullshit. There - I said it!

Thanks to Rise to Remain and Trivium, metalcore equals for me from now on good musicianship and very bad music that tries to be everybody´s darling. In Flames were a riddle to me as well. When I finally left Jäähalli they were still playing for their audience, which almost filled up the venue by then. The crowd loved them and there´s nothing wrong with that. It was their territory after all, they had come to see their heroes and it was me who somehow had stepped through a wrong door into a parallel universe I don´t belong.
If that´s the future of metal and/or hardcore, they can have it.
I don´t want it.

To end this post on a conciliary note, I´d like to mention at least something positive about the bands:

- Rise to Remain features Bruce Dickinson´s son on vocals
(see Iron Maiden: "Dickinson of a Dickinson")

- Trivium´s guitar players were quite impressive

- In Flames had a nice light show

Make sure to form your own opinion here:

Insense
Rise to Remain
Ghost
Trivium
In Flames

SONG FOR TODAY:

Minor Threat - I don´t wanna hear it

Freikarte für die Geisterbahn

Tonight!!!

The mighty Ghost summon us to Jäähalli in order to collect what´s left of our poor souls. Holy shit, I missed them time and again due to several reasons. For instance, I don´t live in Germany anymore, where they seem to play all of the time. A club show in Helsinki earlier this year got cancelled. The few times they came to Finland, they only played bigger Festivals with unaffordable ticket prices. It´s no different today but this time around fate dealt me a good hand: A free concert ticket! Yes!!

Ghost will share the stage with four other bands, none of which triggers any kind of emotion in me. They are In Flames, Trivium, Rise to Remain and Insense.
Well, there´s always room for pleasant surprises at live shows. As Henry Rollins put it:
"Hail Satan, party hardy, surf naked!"

Papa Emeritus and the nameless ghouls of GHOST

SONG FOR TODAY:

Ghost - Elizabeth

Kirjasto 10

Something I really like about Helsinki is the huge number of libraries. They are spread all over town and it doesn´t cost you anything to become a member - null, nolla, zero!

My fave library is Kirjasto 10 in the city center. It focuses on everything related to music, so of course all kinds of music books, sheet music and magazines but also LPs (!), CDs and DVDs can be borrowed. Due to the Finnish liking for extreme music their supply is more than interesting for me. Coolest thing about kirjasto 10 is that it provides instruments, soundproof rooms and all equipment to rehearse or even record! It´s not that I would be dependend on that offer but - man! - I´m impressed that as a member you could simply reserve some time and rock out if you wanted to!

It´s very convenient to browse HelMet, the web library, where you can search the stock of all libraries and as soon as you get your membership card (immediately when signing up), you can reserve whatever is desired right on the net. It´s even possible to request for your item(s) of choice to be delivered to your nearest library. In my case that´s Kallion Kirjasto and I just picked up a book there that I had been waiting quite some time for:

A beauty, innit? You should see it from the inside!

Since I got my membership I have devoured the biographies "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" and "The Bloody Reign of Slayer" by Joel McIver as well as MegaDave´s autobiography "Mustaine: A Heavy Metal Memoir" and "Motörhead: In The Studio" by Jake Brown. Oh, and one of the greatest graphic novels of all time, "Watchmen" by Alan Moore, Dave Gibbons and John Higgins.

I have to admit that I got a bit bored with reading biographies after a while because most of them suffer from the same flaw: If the author is not able to provide anything interesting after the formative time of a band, all you get is the natural studio-tour-studio-tour rut.

This can´t possibly be the case with my new reading material:

I am scared shitless.

I´ve been wanting to read this for a long time now. Tom Gabriel "Warrior" Fischer is quite a character and mastermind behind two of the most influential bands in extreme music(k): Hellhammer and Celtic Frost. Fischer is eloquent and to the point so this promises to be an interesting read. Plus, with Hellhammer only existing for two years and Celtic Frost being covered only in their beginning, there is no room for any routine. Hell yeah!
Have to start reading now...

Make sure to check out:

Kirjasto 10
HelMet (Both pages also in English)

SONG FOR TODAY:

Celtic Frost - Circle of the Tyrants

DeJott JottEff

Last night´s Future Shorts event in Dubrovnik Lounge was fun! A real cool location with a vintage atmosphere, not too big, not too small. I´m terrible at estimating the amount of people in a crowd. But when the short movies started, the room was nicely filled with spectators. Good movies - I can´t decide what flick I liked best!

Acoustic punk duo Jaakko & Jay rocked the house as if there was no tomorrow, quite amazing band. They got signed a while a go and I can see why. After short movies and band the crowd condensed into the hardcore, if you will. So I didn´t exactly play music for the masses but was able to put some ants in their pants and made them dance. The snap shot (thanks Rasmus) btw is not a pose but a funny coincidence:
Black Flag - TV Party on the turntable!
That about sums it up...

Harakointi - mitä vittua?!

Today´s topic is going to be a delicate one. It was brought to my attention by a friend of mine, who told he had come across a Wikipedia entry about an old Finnish ritual called harakointi. When he elaborated on the whole thing I couldn´t help myself but wonder what he had actually been searching for on the net.

Harakointi, so he said, dates back to the times people believed in witchcraft and could only be performed by women. Why? Because they showed their vaginas to their enemies in order to curse them, that´s why! Naturally, this raunchy bit of information induced pictures in our minds that had us in stitches! Just imagine the following scenario:

Witch: "Hey you, dickhead! Yeah, you! Look over here!" - lifts skirt - "GRRRRR!!"

Dickhead: "Fuck, I´m cursed! Aaaaargh!!"

Trying to do some research on harakointi I had to realize that www´s info on the matter is very sparse, to say the least. I only managed to find an English translation of the original Finnish Wikipedia entry and an excerpt from an essay by Sari Näre. She is an adjunct professor of sociology at the University of Helsinki and has published widely on gender and sexual cultures (among other subjects). However, both sources shed light on that ancient rite and show there´s apparently a bit more to it than my friend and me have conceived.  

First off, here´s what Wikipedia has to say:

"Harakointi means revealing a woman's genitals as a supernatural magic to protect or curse an item, cattle or person. The woman who does harakointi reveals her vulva, which depending on the purpose either curses or blesses the target. Cattle could be subjected to harakointi when they were let on the summer pastures by showing the lower parts to the passing animals. Farmland could be harakointi'd by doing the sowing or harvest with the genitals bared. Men, weapons and tools going to hunt or to war, as well as those traveling abroad and children left alone have also been harakoiti'd."

"Women have also needed to be careful with their magic powers, for some male items like fishermen's nets and horse harnesses may in some traditions have been considered ruined if a woman stepped over them. The female gender has apparently been considered a threat to male-dominated fields of life."

"Harakointi speaks of how the female genitals have been considered strong in magic power. This was based in the strong taboos, myths and fears related to the female sexual organs. A woman's ability to give birth has been considered supernatural. The magic known harakointi has only been practiced in Finland, but similar magics can be found from cultures around the globe."

Sari Näre mentions harakointi shortly like this:

"In pre-Christian Finland it was believed that women had magic powers to hurt and heal from their vulva. In pre-Christian folk tradition, sometimes women also used this magical power to protect their family members, intimate fellows and animals: the person or animal to be protected had to go under the woman’s naked bottom. This ritual called harakointi would take place, for example, in or outside saunas, especially when something new was happening, like someone going travelling or getting married. So, it was a kind of transformation ritual."

And that´s about it, nothing else surfaced on the net. Since Wikipedia claims that similar magic rituals can be found all over the world I tried my luck again. A word to the wise and you guessed it already: when you type the tags witch, ritual, spell, vagina, etc. into a search engine you will find all kinds of things but most will be off-topic. If you thought porn now, you´re wrong. Surprisingly the vast majority is about love spells or potions until Google starts listing pages about satanism or cannibalism.

This is a paper drawing from 1514 called Neujahrsgruß mit drei Hexen (=New Year´s wish with three witches) by German Renaissance artist Hans Baldung Grien (1485 - 1545) .

Especially shown in his later oeuvre, Grien had a thing going for witches, virgins and goddesses. He was fascinated by the beauty of the naked female body and some of his works have a surprisingly strong erotic, sometimes even sexual element (mind the times).

This particular artwork pops up quite often in the context of harakointi but I couldn´t find any sources that pin it down to that. Seems like an old sophisticated picture was needed to illustrate the ritual. What other could you possibly use and still appear scientific to some extent? Thought so.

The worldwide fascination with female genitalia through the ages is of course no rocket science at all and since the dawn of humanity men agree that pussy can be curse AND blessing. Yes, pussy! Why do I suddenly use this rather indecent term? Well, after my unsuccessful attempt to track down harakointi in other countries I´m returning to the native country of today´s subject matter - Finland.

Although I´m pretty damn sure harakointi has ceased to be executed in its original form over here, its main component is very well on everybody´s lips.

(Sorry, couldn´t resist - one pun has to be allowed.)

What is cunt or pussy in English is VITTU in Finnish and dear non-Finns, let me tell you, you hear it everywhere and everyday in Finland! Statistics claim that the word vittu and its seemingly endless variations are the premier swear words in Suomi. It feels as if there is a higher number of possible combinations than the decimal places of Pi. The word becomes so omnipotent because it can also be used as "fuck" as in "to fuck/mess with somebody". You want to add some force to your statement or expressed frustration?

One fits all:
"Mitä vittua?" = "What the fuck?", "Haista vittu!" = "Fuck you!" (literally: "smell pussy!"),
"Mua vituttaa!" = "I´m angry!", when you are angry you can even "olla naama norsun vitulla" = "have a face like an elephant´s cunt". Things can be "vittumainen" = "annoying" or become "vituiksi" = "fucked up", etc. pp. Used as a genitive it is combined with literally EVERYTHING. "Vitun hyvä, huono, iso, paska, juntti" = "fucking good, bad, big, shit, idiot" make sense but "vitun homo?"

Most unbelievable is that women use the word as often as men, absolute gender equality! Adults sometimes refer to it as "v-sana", the v-word, when children are present. Then they turn around to their friends and complain about "vitun" something...Still I´m surprised to find both ends of the life span joining the party. I don´t mind grumpy old geezers but sometimes you hear it from speakers so young that you wonder if they have a full concept of the word they´re using. Hopefully not!

In English and German spoken countries it´s more about ass (Arsch) and shit (Scheisse).
"You stupid asshole!" (Du dummes Arschloch!) will always make for a good insult. Someone told me that in southern European countries the male penis is used as main source of inspiration. And supposedly almost everywhere people swear with some form of "fuck".
I have no idea from where the fixation on dicks or asses originates in the rest of Europe but I am starting to get a hunch about the Finnish vittu.

It seems that the Finns have all but forgotten about harakointi and its magical powers to bless people or things. But they definitely have not forgotten how to curse with a vagina!

Make sure to check out:

Wikipedia on harakointi (Finnish only)
Sharing Waters - Sari Näre´s complete essay (English only)

Sid & Nancy

Spotted at Nosturi. Over 30 years after their untimely death someone in Helsinki paid tribute to punk rock´s most notorious couple. Who needs John and Yoko?

SONG FOR TODAY:

Sid Vicious - My Way

Disco in

Lo and behold, dear blogheads!

Next Friday, 11.11.11. - a date that you simply can´t forget - yours truely is gonna spin the wax in Dubrovnik Lounge, owned by famous Finnish directors Aki and Mika Kaurismäki! We have already the next big movie happening coming up in Helsinki, this time it´s the 

short movie festival. The HLEF is gonna be held in three different venues, namely the cinema Orion, Andorra and said Dubrovnik. The latter will be besieged on that Friday by the Future Shorts club Helsinki who will show six short movies from different countries, among them are USA, Germany and Australia. A few words about Future shorts:

It´s a worldwide organisation dedicated to short movies which started out with its first chapter 2003 in London. FS has spread over many countries since its foundation and Finland is one of them, having chapters in Helsinki, Turku, Tampere, Pori and Rovaniemi. 

My friend Rasmus belongs to the Helsinki crew. Needless to say that they will be part of the HLEF and since they wanted a DJ for the night, he asked me if I´d like to do the job.

"Hell yeah!" was my reply cause I´ve always liked to be behind the turntables at cool events. Back in the day in Germany I had a DJ slot every two weeks in a crazy little bar which was good fun. I have kinda missed that and am happy I´m given the opportunity now.

First time in Finland! Expect the unexpected!

There will also be a band playing. Folk punk duo Jaakko & Jay hits the stage after the movies, armed with only acoustic guitar and a sparse drum kit they fit into the smallest corner but manage to make big waves, check em out! I´m on during the breaks and after the band - then the evil entity known as JottEff will take over completely! 

Dubrovnik Lounge & Lobby

Eerikinkatu 11

8pm - sometime after 2am 

Admission: 7€+2,50€ jacket

Make sure to check out:

Future Shorts Event, 11.11.11 (no English, sorry)

Future Shorts homepage

Dubrovnik Lounge & Lobby

Jaakko & Jay

Candy apples & razor blades

Little dead are soon in graves... it´s Halloween again at LIFE IN HEL!

Today I´m half the man I used to be.

Guess I pretty much summed up my thoughts and attitude towards it already in last year´s post. Things haven´t changed all that much since then. This time around though, partly caused by the Night Visions Festival, my excitement has grown compared to the last couple of years. That old scar seems to be itching again!

TWID on Friday was great and if you are into H.P. Lovecraft but haven´t seen the movie yet, you gotta change that asap! I am not going to give away the ending, suffice it to say it differs completely from the original story.
Third act, anyone? Usually I´m quite a purist when it comes to screen adaptions of my favourite books. It´s different with this one: although Lovecraft´s short story works perfectly in its actual medium, the alterations done by the HPLHS step it up a notch in order to make the tale more suitable for being a feature movie. In my opinion the film makers enhanced the original material without doing it any harm. Rather on the contrary, you can watch a story now that you already know without knowing how it ends -  and the end is pretty cool!
After the movie (dead silence in a sold out cinema room - the way it should be!) viewers were given the chance to have a nice Q & A with director / producer / actor Sean Branney, an overall friendly and sympathic guy who answered the many questions patiently.

Only thing I regret is that I didn´t get to see more than just one movie, the festival program was really spiced with many whacky ones, that´s for sure. I´m also sure that when Night Visions returns next spring, I will be ready for a movie marathon!

Tonight is going to be zombie night at LIFE IN HEL (severed) headquarters.
What´s it gonna be? Gates of Hell? Dawn of the Dead? La Regina dei Cannibali?
Haven´t decided yet, but for now:

Happy Halloween!

SONG FOR TODAY:

Bloodjunkies - All Hallow´s Eve

Psst!

Let´s all go to the lobby and give ourselves a treat!
Then being supplied with candy, coke and popcorn I will treat myself today with this weird little tale on celluloid. My language course is now over and I´m gonna celebrate it Lovecraftian-style. So far I´ve only heard that "The Whisperer in Darkness" rules, soon I will know for sure. At least it´s made by people who should know exactly what their doing: The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society! Sounds like a winner...

And we shall not forget:

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

Wow, I never noticed the striking resemblance with the Finnish language. Did H.P. have ancestors here?

Little shop of horrors

If you are in Helsinki and into weird movies you can´t afford to miss out on paying a visit to Pieni Leffakauppa! The name says it all (= small movie store) and yet hides its light under a bushel. Not bigger than a two-room apartment the place is crammed up to the ceiling with tons of DVDs, Blu-Rays and VHS cassettes, both new and used. They also sell some merchandise, like film shirts and posters.

Deep in the bowels of Pieni Leffakauppa

The focus is definitely on everything NOT mainstream. German silent movies, American horror classics, Japanese weirdness, Mexican wrestler flicks, Italian gore/splatter, 70ties sleaze, film noir, cartoon series and every genre that could possibly end on -exploitation, as long as it is legal, odds are high that you will find whatever you´re looking for right there. The variety of their supply is really amazing and I could easily spend a fortune in that place if I only had one.

A couple of years back I was very much into movies, preferably those of the obscure and/or gruesome kind. Then I somehow lost my interest a bit along the way (in fact, for no particular reason) until I heard about an upcoming movie festival called Night Visions - Maximum Halloween 3011.

The news gave me a long-lost but familiar thrill and I searched the interwebs for more info. I found out that the festival is the oldest and biggest in Finland focusing on horror, fantasy, sci-fi, action and cult cinema. It takes place even twice a year with the Spring edition being in April and the Autumn edition being in the end of October, ergo nicely and fittingly close to Halloween. Night Visions is held over five continuous days and - take notice, all you geeks and freaks! - runs from this week´s Wednesday (26.10) until Sunday (30.10).

Scene of the crime will be the cinema MAXIM (with very few exceptions) in the city center and you will get your movie tickets directly there or in...yes, Pieni Leffakauppa.

With my renewed interest in film I was of course pleased as punch that I could
tappaa kaksi kärpästä yhdellä iskulla. Not only would I get my ticket, I would also get to check out that little movie store. And checking out is what I did now already twice, as mentioned above the place really is incredible and if you are a true movie nerd you have to see it for yourself - seeing is believing!
Didn´t get the ticket though. An institution devoted to the cause like them sells of course, almost needless to say, only the yölippu (= night ticket). Between Saturday and Sunday a helluva lot of movies will be shown, the first starting at 3.30pm, the last starting(!) at 9am(!!) the next morning (!!!). So if you have both the guts and the Geld, you are in for a real trick and treat. I must say that 45 Euro are fair but a bit steep for me at the moment, so my only flick of choice is "The Whisperer in Darkness", the screen adaption of a H.P. Lovecraft short story which I coincidently read again just recently. Bought my ticket at Maxim a couple of days ago and on Friday evening they will have "The Whisperer" on their silver screen. Can´t wait to see it! 


Make sure to check out:


Pieni Leffakauppa
Night Visions Festival
Cinema Maxim (all pages also in English)

SONGS FOR TODAY:

William Shatner - Lucy in the sky with diamonds


Leonard Nimoy - Highly illogical

B 1.1

Now it´s official: I am rated B 1.1 by language school Edupoli!

A short explanation for the ones of you who have never learned another language in (or in order to move to) another counry: The Common European Framework of Reference for Languages (CEFR) is a guideline that describes achievements of learners of foreign languages across Europe and other countries. Main idea is to provide a method of learning, teaching and accessing that applies to all languages in Europe. The CEFR devides learners into three broad divisions which can again be devided into six levels. From level A (absolute beginner) you have to walk that rocky road all down to level C 2 if you want to transform into someone who is mistaken for a native speaker.

Not too long ago, this was a typical situation in class and all I understood was:



My personal pilgrimage brought me now to level B1.1, let´s have a look on what Wikipedia has to say about my current language skills:

"Can understand the main points of clear standard input on familiar matters regularly encountered in work, school, leisure, etc. Can deal with most situations likely to arise whilst travelling in an area where the language is spoken. Can produce simple connected text on topics which are familiar or of personal interest. Can describe experiences and events, dreams, hopes & ambitions and briefly give reasons and explanations for opinions and plans."

I´m quite happy and also a little bit proud that I made it to this level in not much more than a year. My language courses gave me foundation but it was my job practice that boosted my courage to speak Finnish in a trial of fire. I have finally conquered my shyness! When it comes to my understanding I also feel like I´ve taken a leak leap, so depending on the speaker I nowadays might understand something like this:



Way to go, man! I start to wonder if it could be really possible to unlock the secret of the Finnish language one day.

SPRAY PAINT THE WALLS!

I discovered this little gem just around the corner from my language school and it put a huge smile on my face. Black Flag had many faces in both metaphorical and literal sense. Just because this piece of urban art gives me reason I wanna add this:

Click to enlarge, then pick your fave member from your fave era.

SONG FOR TODAY:

Black Flag - Spray Paint


P.S.: I recently checked my blog using another computer and realized that my new system for the SONGS FOR TODAY didn´t work. Seems that nobody cares about them because nobody told me. Doesn´t stop me from including them to the posts, I like ´em, so it´s back to the old system with crappy videos on YouTube. I also changed the links that didn´t work in the past few posts.

ADDENDUM 25.10: Finally figured it out, damn it! From now on everything happens only on the blog! Will work on the past posts little by little.

Carnival in Helsinki

Only a few blocks from where I live we have Linnanmäki, a nice amusement park that opened its gates for the first time on May, 27th in 1950. Linnanmäki means Castle Hill and doesn´t have a castle but is very well situated on a hill, so you can see it already from a distance. Especially one of Linnanmäki´s oldest rides, the wooden rollercoaster Vuoristorata (build in ´51) can be spotted from as far as the city center.

The park has currently 40 rides and of course you gotta pay to use them. Admission though is free, so you can go there to just check out the place or have some cotton candy and feel like a kid. Lintsi, as the locals call it, is open from April to October. Since I moved to Helsinki I never made it there but last weeks Valokarnevaali (= carnival of lights) finally lured me in. The carnival is always the last attraction announcing the park´s closure until next April and is highlighted by fireworks on Sunday. No question I teamed up last Friday with my girl and two friends to give Lintsi a go. Here are some pictures from this beautiful autumn evening:

Obviously one of the roller coasters, this is Tulireki.

I´m convinced they formerly used this hell of a ride to train Russian cosmonauts!  

This isn´t an UFO but a granny magnet called Panorama Tower. Nice views!

On Sunday I went to Töölönlahti with my girlfriend to see the fireworks. A good choice, as it was the perfect spot to enjoy the short but beautiful spectacular. Taking pictures wasn´t easy but I´ll include one here anyway. I like the reflections on the bay and the way the explosions look just like a firey grimace.

And to give you the feeling you would have been there yourself, here comes a little clip from last night´s fireworks that I found on YouTube:


Thanks to pir3 for uploading this!

Make sure to check out:

linnanmäki.fi (Choose English if needed)

Getting it done...

..takes a little while but we´re still on it! So far we recorded all drum and half of the guitar tracks. The typical problems like finding the time to meet up, then finding the right sounds and fighting the techno-fuck have delayed our recordings. The usual madness of making a demo. What we came up with until now sounds promising and I hope that we get it done soon. Stay tuned, blogheads!

SONG FOR TODAY:

7 Seconds - Still on it

End of the tunnel?

I walked through that passage every day.

Unfortunately not. It´s the end of my työharjoittelu, the six weeks of my job training are over tomorrow. Almost scary how fast time went by. It was an overall great experience as I was given the opportunity to carry on my profession in Finland - and in Finnish!

Didn´t speak English one single day which wasn´t easy but eventually very beneficial. I liked my job, got along with everyone and was told on several occasions that my work was very appreciated.

So I had high hopes that the whole endeavor would result in a steady job but things didn´t pan out that way. To hear that the current situation is difficult and an employment not possible at the moment is pretty tiring. I have been through that already in Germany but why should it be any different here than in the rest of Europe? Here they call it lama, there they call it Rezession, I call it a pain in the ass!

Good thing is that the company offered the possibility to continue my training and I will take the offer if the red tape okays it. Please understand that the company´s name and details regarding my job remain unmentioned. Although I enjoyed my time there very much and I want to stay put, I´m still a firm believer in keeping work and spare time seperated. Just saying.

SONGS FOR TODAY:

The Rolling Stones - You can´t always get what you want

Therapy? - 30 Seconds

Finns get seksi

Johanna Tukiainen. Singer, model, host and poetry in motion.

Oh là là, and they get seksi all the time. They get seksi because of translatiivi! What? Sexy transsexuals?! In Finland?!? Well, might as well be, I wouldn´t know. Being rather unkinky by nature the translative however is a grammatical form used quite often in Finnish. It indicates a change and refers to something or someone transforming into a different state.

The ending of the translatiivi is always -ksi and is added to the stem of a word.

For example: if you want to say that you´re planning to become an engineer (= insinööri), it will translate to "minä aion insinööriksi."

Another one: if you´re thirsty but penniless in a bar and the local drunk has again passed out over his beer, you can give him a tender punch in the liver and ask him: "Juotko lasin vielä tyhjäksi?" - "Will you still empty your glass?"

Good example, bad advice. If you pull that one off, you´re on your own! But I guess you got it now anyway and "tämä riittää perusteluksi" - this suffices as an explanation.

But why do the Finns get seksi now? Well, when the translative is used for adjectives, especially when they describe a feeling, this rather dry subject becomes quite juicy and funny. Many adjectives have the suffix -nen, e.g. iloinen (cheerful), onnellinen (happy), surullinen (sad) or vihainen (angry). The stem form of these words ends on -se- and is always used when the basic form is altered. So the genitive of vihainen would be vihaisen. When we let the translative kick in now it finally happens: you take the stem vihaise-, drop the n and add the suffix -ksi. Now you can say: "Tyttöystäväni tuli vihaiseksi" but it doesn´t mean that your girlfriend looked pretty hot when she got angry. Your gal just got mad, plain and simple, pleasant side effects not included.

So Finns get iloiseksi, onnelliseksi and surulliseksi etc. day in, day out and it seems only foreigners like me find it so goddamn funny. The best of all is that "seksi" used as a noun means nothing but "sex". Still nobody here turns punaiseksi (red) when saying these kind of things - absolutely elusive!


Maybe just goes to show that I have a dirty mind but there´s another funny thing.
It is a.) the favorite joke of many a tourist who went to a Finnish supermarket and b.) apparently invisible for the Finns, they don´t seem to see the obvious. Here´s what I´m talking about: like many other nations the Finns like their sweets and potato chips, preferably in biiig bags. What is bag in Finnish? PUSSI! Ahem...and how are biiig bags advertised in Finland? Right:

Also minipussis are available, if that´s more to your taste.

As opposed to many other languages Finnish only knows one sound for the letter S. It´s always a feast for me to see trailers for foreign movies/series on the tube and hear them announce for instance an Arnold Schwarzenegger flick in thickest "finniss prronanssiessen". If you pronounce the letter S Finnish style it will sound just like "ass". One big supermarket chain over here is called S-Market, so you can actually go to the (as)S-Market to buy some megapussis and no one gives a damn. Isn´t that beautiful?

SONGS FOR TODAY:

Rod Steward -  Da ya think I´m seksi?


The Cramps - Can your pussi do the dog?

New bloghouse

These are busy days, my dear blogheads, days that are slowly but constantly getting colder. Can´t do much about the tight schedule of late but I pretty damn well can give you shelter from the chill of the oncoming autumn. So please feel welcome here at the new LIFE IN HEL bloghouse while you´re waiting for something sensible to be posted!

Got a little bored on the old layout (yes, yes, black always looks kewl, dude - I know) and since I don´t have to prove my punkrock / street credibility to anyone, I got rid of the urban black and white, gothic font meets graffiti tag style to settle for something more homey, light and colorful. That by the way is something you learn to appreciate in the dark half of the year.

But what is it? A mökki? A sauna? Well, it could be a smelly outhouse but I guess it should be whatever you want it to be. So if the new design makes you wanna drink beer/Kossu/coffee/Coke - be my guest.
If you feel like heating up the oven and taking off your clothes - that´s fine, too. But please don´t do a number two in front of your screen while reading this - it would somehow spoil the atmo no end...

SONG FOR TODAY:

Statler Brothers - This Old House

Anni vs. ´ary

Tempus fugit! Today LIFE IN HEL celebrates it´s first anniversary and what a ride it was. An eventful and exciting year lies behind this blog now, almost matching the whole time that I´ve been living in Finland so far. It´s nice to see that besides friends and family also other people are interested in my little online diary. Even Timo Soini, a true fan, congratulated because he likes foreigners so much [sic].

Joking apart and to bore you with some stats, let me tell you that after the usual suspects Finland and Germany, USA and the UK are peeping in most often. This year´s award for most visited post goes to "Night of the living DEAD ELVIS" which is no miracle at all. Well, that entry has been in the limelight now ad nauseam and I promise to stop mentioning it. When it comes to leaving comments the major part of blogheads likes to avoid it like the plague. I once read a juicy comparison by a frustrated blogger, who stated that "writing a blog is like fucking a corpse - it can be fun at times but you are also very, very lonely." I don´t buy into that entirely yet have to say he had a point there. Maybe a change is about to come and soon I have to delete all your annoying comments, har har har...

So one year has gone by and all but let´s shortly interupt the ballwashing. Before we let the champagne corks pop and enjoy the cake, what happened between February and August? Nothing. A huge gap, a hiatus, some sort of hibernation that lasted almost half a year. Call me a pilkunnussija (which I really can be) but doesn´t that cut the blog´s lifetime in half?
What a bummer - not so hasty now with that champagne and half the cake back to the fridge, please. Next year we´ll have a real party, word.

On taking a stock I see that I really have learned quite a bit of this language that I called "close to being extraterrestrial" in the very first post. My investigations revealed though that it takes the average maahanmuuttaja between five to seven years to master Finnish properly. Oh boy...
Still I dig my LIFE IN HEL and feel that there´s so much more that I want to do, see, achieve and experience. Gonna try my best to make you a part of it through this blog.

As we´re moving on to the songs for today, I´m introducing something new here. It´s an attempt to avoid linking to another page by imbedding songs from YouTube instead. Now you can listen to the songs while reading my nonsense. If you give a flying fuck about the songs for today, it would be cool to know if you approve of the new system or not. Here goes...

SONGS FOR TODAY:

Slim Whitman - Happy Anniversary


The Kings Of Nuthin´ - Another Year


Leslie Gore - It´s my Party